Breaking up with Coffee

Coffee has failed me.
Why, Coffee??
We’ve been intimate for years
We spend mornings together
You’re my favorite part of each afternoon
Sometimes, we secretly meet at dusk
You make me feel giddy and calm simultaneously
No one has affected me like you
But here we are
Entering the end of my ovarian cycles
And you betray me
You no longer cause me to feel awake and refreshed
Even double and triple visits with you Cannot keep my eyes open during the day
Giddiness has been replaced with sweat streams
Followed by soapy showers and dry clothing
I hope this passes
I don’t want to betray you with your decaffeinated cousin
My dear sweet Coffee, I miss you
But I must wish you
Sweet Adieu

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Menopause Monologue

Night sweats
Leg cramps
Day sweats
Gained 25 pounds, and counting
Falling asleep during the day
Unable to fall sleep at night
Dreams include having a baby
Definitely do not want a baby
Extreme fatigue
Bones feel weighted down
Grossly heavy periods
Crazy-bad menstrual cramping

Do you have these symptoms? Mine began within the past 6-12 months. My family doctor, Dr Jill, a young perky brunette, told me I was “way too young” to be experiencing menopausal symptoms, and all my blood work came back normal. She advised me to “eat healthy and exercise.”

What the hell? My body feels like it’s deteriorating and I’m too tired and in too much pain to exercise. As for eating, I haven’t changed my eating habits so I should be maintaining, not gaining. Yet, here I am, 44 years old and I’ve outgrown all my clothes. And shoes. And glasses. Yes, I now know you can gain so much weight that you outgrow your panties AND your eyeglasses frame. True story.

I haven’t found anyone else who is going through what I am, so I decided to start this blog with hopes of connecting with those who are experiencing menopause or perimenopause. By the way, perimenopause seems to be the hell a woman endures before retiring to Millionaire Acres in this game of Life.

More soon,
Rebecca Anne